Words I Didn’t Know
Whenever I stumbled across a word I didn’t know, I'd approximate its meaning based on context and carry on. This seemed natural; surely, skipping one word made no difference.
Until one day, I realized there were hundreds, if not thousands, of words I’d skipped on my way to becoming the poster boy of complacency.
If you value your thoughts, you value your words (and their range).
“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
— Ludwig Wittgenstein
Or as Hemingway so plainly said in a letter to a friend:
“Actually if a writer needs a dictionary he should not write.”
— Earnest Hemingway
Sorry Hem, I’m doing it anyway.
Words are important. More important than most imagine.
Our perception of the world boils down to thoughts, and thoughts at their core are emotions. Emotions communicated well creates art. Without art we are monkeys.
I don’t want to be monkey. That’s why this dictionary exists.
I suspect there will be several book worms and intellectuals who will scoff at my elementary list of words. To them I say, I envy you.
The Words
(frequently updated)
Affectation- noun: An artificial behavior or mannerism, often adopted to impress or appear sophisticated.
Ex. Shortly after assuming the role of governor among the rodents, the beaver adopted a certain affectation, wagged his tail differently, and even started to make other beavers chew down his lot of trees.
This made his furry underlings question the pursuit of power. Should a rodent pursue power? What does it cost?
Automatons- noun: a mechanical device designed to imitate actions of a human.
Ex. Automatons enabled mass production. Mass production gave birth to masses of automatons who walk on two legs and think with no brain.
Babbitt- noun: a complacent and conformist businessman; a square.
Ex. There’s nothing wrong with being a businessman, but becoming a babbitt? Well, that’s not much than being a mindless baboon.
Baksheesh- noun: A small bit money, off the record, to grease the palms that need greasing.
Ex. The grizzled road-ripper looked down at the rosy-cheeked, green-gilled traveler with a type of sarcastic amazement.
“Get off your moral high horse, boy. In this part of the world, offering a bit of baksheesh is the difference between being able to see your homeland again or rotting away with murders in a jail cell that will make you crave the kiss of death.”
Boondoggle- noun: Unnecessary or pointless activities that give the appearance of value.
Ex. If you have been conditioned to associate success with production, you are prone to boondoggle. Before asking how to accomplish something, ask if it’s worth accomplishing.
Chutzpah- noun: Bravery that borders on rudeness (Yiddish word).
Ex. “Can it old man! I’ve still got dreams to remember!”
The lox bagel nearly fell out of his wrinkled hand. He frowned at the departing boy. Secretly, he admired the kid’s chutzpah. He wondered how different his life would have been if he had even half the guts.
Coxcomb- noun: Conceited or foolishly proud individuals.
Ex. Does power make a man into a coxcomb? Or is it that a coxcomb’s personality is drawn to power, like a moth to a flame?
Country Bumpkin- noun: a person untainted by education or civilized mannerisms. (See Yokel).
Ex. On my best days, I’m as content as country bumpkin tasting their first sip of cold ale after a long day tilling the fields.
Draggle-tail- adjective/noun: bedraggled, untidy (often used to describe a prostitute).
Ex. I’m not sure when I left the party. All I know is I awoke in someone’s library on the outskirts of Bucharest, clad in a silk robe, with a face more draggle-tailed than a bear’s upon waking from a long winter of hibernation.
Debonair- noun: a charming, suave, carefully dressed character.
Ex. In a tux blacker than the night sky with his hand resting at the stem of a cold martini glass, the debonair said only three words:
“Bond. James Bond.”
Diffident- adjective: Shy, lacking in self-confidence, and hesitant.
Ex. Diffident men finish last.
Dogface- noun: informal term referring to an infantry soldier.
Ex. Our governor, the beaver, executed a brilliant strategic move by enlisting dogs as his dogfaces to intimidate gerbils, chipmunks, guinea pigs, and all other subordinate rodents into doing his bidding.
Dolt- noun: A person perceived as stupid or lacking in intelligence.
Ex. Make way, you simpletons, plebeians, and dolts! Or it’ll be half-rations for the lot of you!
But sire, you already have cut our rations in half. We can barely feed the children.
You make an excellent point, peasant man. Very well. Quarter-rations!
Dullard- noun: A slow-witted or mentally sluggish person.
Ex. “He was one of the numerous and varied legion of dullards, of half-animate abortions, conceited, half-educated coxcombs, who attach themselves to the idea most in fashion only to vulgarize it and who caricature every cause they serve however sincerely.”
–Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
Dust Sucker- noun: see vagabond.
Ex. While others perished in the Mad Max world, she welcomed it. She bathed in the spirit of the open road. She saw beauty where others saw chaos. She was a dust sucker down to her last bone.
Enantiodromia- noun: a concept in psychology and philosophy that describes the phenomenon where an extreme force or tendency eventually gives rise to its opposite. (Greek origin, from Heraclitus and Jung introduced it to the West).
Ex. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is story that points to the concept of enantiodromia.
Ersatz- adjective: being a usually artificial and inferior substitute (German origin)
Ex. “And would you like cashew or oat milk in that flat white?”
“Cut the cuteness sister. Save those ersatz substances for some other shell of a man.”
“Um… So you want like, the pistachio cream?”
Flânuer- noun: an ambivalent man who saunters about and observes society; a connoisseur of the street and everything on it. Femine counterpart: passante; (French origin).
Ex. Like a hound after bloodshed, the flânuer notices smells and noises that other pedestrians are oblivous to. Indeed, the passante can find great pleasure in the seemingly most boring of scenes.
Flouted- verb: To openly disregard or defy a rule, convention, or law.
Ex. My favorite type of taxi driver is the taxi driver who flouts traffic regulations. They always get me to the airport on time.
Flunky- noun: a liveried manservant or footman.
Ex. Alfred the flunky was a cool but funky cat. He always repeated himself twice and no one every knew why.
"Alfred, prepare the Batbike.”
“The Batbike. The Batbike?”
“That’s right.”
“Very good choice, sir. Very good choice.”
Fortnight- noun: a period of two weeks (British English).
Ex. If I was more adept in the kitchen, perhaps my commission as a chef for a Buddhist Temple would have lasted longer than a fortnight. (True story).
Gigolo- noun: a young Don Juan financially supported by an older woman.
Ex. If writing doesn’t work out, I could always become a gigolo.
Gobsmacked- adjective: flabbergasted, astounded (informal British English).
Ex. “Good God..” the gobsmacked captain whispered in a grave voice. His quivering eyes turned away from the sea and towards his ghastly looking crew. “Gentlemen,” he began in a barely audible voice, “it was a pleasure serving with you.”
Grifter- noun: A person who engages in trickery or deception, often for personal gain.
Ex. The souk is mother of grifters who prey on naive drifters. I’d know.
Grovel- very: to plead for forgiveness or to crawl abjectly with the face downward.
Ex. The peasants groveled to the prince in hopes their rations would increase. (They didn’t).
Halitosis- noun: Persistent bad breath, caused by poor dental hygiene or health issues.
Ex. If everyone had halitosis, no one would notice. But that’s not the case. So it’s best to brush your teeth, twice a day.
Hidebound- adjective: Resistant to change or innovation; narrow-minded.
Ex. Save your hidebound thoughts for another day old man. I have a life to live.
Hogwash- noun: nonsense, or words that are intended to deceive.
Ex. Despite the people seeing clean through the candidate’s hoodwinking hogwash, they still voted for her. It turned out the people would rather have a dishonest but predictable politician opposed to a truthful one.
Hoodwink- verb: Deceive or trick, often by means of a clever or elaborate scheme.
Ex. In the 60s, ad agencies hoodwinked the public into thinking that smoking was good for them by running ads depicting doctors smoking. (God bless the 60s).
Hullabaloo- noun: A commotion; a fuss.
Ex. As soon as she walked in with a tray of gabagool, the men broke out in a hullabaloo. For a very chaotic and long minute, everyone had forgotten the manors that one should have while attending a memorial party.
Inane- adjective: silly, or stupid.
Ex. “The world that used to nurse us now keeps shouting inane instructions. That's why I ran to the woods.”
–Jim Harrison
Jazzercise- verb: a workout that combines aerobic exercise and jazz music.
Ex. “Alright ladies! When you hear Louis take the bass line for a walk, drop down and give me 10!”
Lampoon- verb: to publicly criticize someone or something using irony or sarcasm.
Ex. What is worse? To be lampooned or to be harpooned?
Lark- verb: Something done for fun, especially something mischievous or daring.
Ex. You live in a rural suburbia. It's 9 PM on a summer weekday. The gang's all there, and the parents are out. It's time to lark. Your options: smash mailboxes, egg some random pedestrian's house, or ding-dong ditch the cone-headed chemistry teacher.
(High school really was just like they made it out to be in the movies).
Milksop- noun: a person who is indecisive and lacks courage.
Ex. I’ll take advice from those who have fought in the arena, but never from those faceless and pathetic milksops in the stands who laugh and jeer, and reach the end of their lives with nothing to show for it.
Milquetoast- noun: A timid, weak, or easily dominated person; also used to describe something bland or mild.
Ex. “Ever since he started dating that girl, he became a milquetoast of a man; a shell of his former glory.” –said by every single guy.
Mush- noun/verb: travel via dogsled.
Ex. There’s a parallel universe where dogs drive the mush while humans pull the sleigh.
Oafish- noun: rough, clumsy, and/or unintelligent.
Ex. He was never the same since the anvil fell on his head. A bit oafish if you ask me.
Ogle- verb: to stare with obvious and lascivious curiosity.
Ex. Rubber-necking and ogling are the best ways to end the flirting before it even begins.
Plank Walker- noun: someone who’s not afraid to throw the dice of life.
Ex. Plank walkers are similar to vagabond’s in their appetite for booze, women, and risk.
Pollywog- noun: technically a tadpole, but when used in slang it means a new sailor, especially one crossing the equator for the first time.
Ex. “Quiet boy!” he roared as he struck the wooden table that had been struck a thousand of times before by a thousand fists the size of bowling balls. “Pollwogs have no say at this table.”
Pootle- verb: to move somewhere slowly and with no real purpose (British slang).
Ex. Overly pragmatic people don’t understand the great utility of pottling about.
Primordial- adjective: existing since the beginning of time.
Ex. Man has a primordial desire to eat steaks medium rare. If he doesn’t order it medium rare, assume he is very severe early childhood traumas. If he doesn’t eat steak, assume he is a feeble lizard dressed in a man’s body suit.
Protean- adjective: Exhibiting great diversity or the ability to change shape or form.
Ex. For what Hemingway lacked in protean style, he made up for in beautiful prose.
Rap- verb: Quick strikes or criticisms to someone or something.
Ex. Remember the days when teachers would rap the knuckles of their students with a ruler if they weren’t behaving? Me neither.
Savant- noun: a person of learning; usually highly skilled in one field but barren in others.
Ex. The orchestra was full of savants. They performed wonderfully, but afterwards at the cocktail party I came to realize that none of them knew how to talk about anything besides music.
Skinflint- noun: A miser or stingy person
Ex. Listen toots, I’m not a skinflint. I just don’t want to take you out for a steak dinner on the first date!
(note to the men: if she’s worth it, you must show commitment on the first date. No frozen yoghurt. This isn’t sophomore year of high school. Oh, and probably don’t call her toots!)
Sleuth- noun/verb: A detective; carrying out an investigation of sorts.
Ex. He lit a cigarette and leaned against the cold brick wall. All that sleuthing was taking its toll. No, it had already taken it.
A woman approached in heels.
“Hey handsome..”
He cut her off.
“Beat it toots, these streets aren’t what they used to be.”
Swashbuckler- noun: a person who pursues daring and romantic thrills with bravado. Often adept in swordsmanship and even acrobatics.
Ex. She knew he was a Don Juan, a swashbuckler of sorts, the type of man her mother warned her about and the type of man her friends would crazy over.
Sycophant- noun: A flatterer or yes-man trying to mooch their way up the ladder of success.
Ex. The only thing worse than a sycophant is a vegan sycophant.
Tyke- noun: a mischievous and cheeky child (origin: “Tik” Middle English, Old Norse word meaning bitch)
Ex. Silly rabbit, Trix are for tykes!
Vagabond- noun: someone who lives on the open road and is content with all that it offers. (Not to be confused with backpacker or tourist).
Ex. You can travel with a roller bag. Just don’t ever let me catch you calling yourself a vagabond.
Vaudeville- noun: A variety show with a mix of comedy, music, and skits, popular in the late 19th to early 20th centuries.
Ex. We’re planning a real shindig of a vaudeville, baby! There will be magicians, acrobats, comedians, jugglers, dancers, and even the world’s most beautiful woman! Well, I suppose I can’t guarantee that last one until you tell me you’re coming.
(note to the men: don’t use this line. I’ve been single for 98% of my life)
Quixotic- adjective: Extremely idealistic, unrealistic, and impractical.
Ex. Hosting a vaudeville would be a quixotic dream unless your last name is Gatsby or Jarecke.
Yokel- noun: an uneducated person from the countryside.
Ex. Country bumpkins and yokels get along like drunkards and stray cats.
Zephyr- noun: A gentle, mild breeze.
Ex. He was shot at the foot of the Taj Mahal. The pool of red silently grew out of him, staining the once pure ivory steps. The echoes of the gunshot died away. No bird sang. The zephyr itself held it’s breath.
